2008 Questionnaire

Previously published as a Facebook note.

once again, I'm copying another note idea, but this one is better than that movie one.

JANUARY-

1 Who kissed you on new years?
no one :( just because he and I were doing separate activities

2 Did you have a New Year's Resolution this year?
yes... don't miss days of class

3 Does it snow where you live?
yes, it is white outside as I write :)

4 Do you like hot chocolate?
Yup- stick it in the microwave for about 1m 20 sec and that's perfect

5 Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop?
no

FEBRUARY-

1 Who was your Valentine?
Zach! We couldn't go out on V-Day because I was down at BYU and he was at home, but we hung out that weekend.

2 When you were little did you buy Valentine's for the whole class?
yep

3 Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not?
No...but Groundhog Day is a good movie.

4 What did you receive for Valentine's day?
a date that weekend

5 What did you give for Valentine's day?
nothing except my time, which he loved

MARCH-

1 Are you Irish?
I have a tiny bit of Scottish in me, but if I have Irish it's very minute

2 Do you like corned beef and cabbage?
sure

3 What did you do for St Patrick's Day?
Listened to Celtic music my uncle Bruce gave me and wore all green :)

APRIL-

1 Do you like the rain?
yeah, unless it never goes away

2 Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
yes- I announced via Facebook that I was engaged and a couple people totally fell for it :D You know who you are. Haha.

3 Do you get tons of candy for Easter?
some in my basket

4 Do you celebrate 4/20?
huh?

5 Do you love the month of April?
sure?

MAY-
1 What is your favorite flower?
what a horrible question- it totally depends

2 Finish the phrase "April showers"
bring May flowers

3 Do you celebrate May 16th:National Piercing Day?
NO. Lame.

4 Is May anything special to you?
My birthday!

JUNE-

1 What year did/will you graduate from high school?
June 5, 2007.

2 Did you do anything fun during this Month?
Got my job at BeeHive Homes assisted living back and a $2 raise from the summer before- sweet.

3 Have a favorite baseball team?
no, but I went to a Bees' game with Zach in August I think

JULY-

1 What did you do on the 4th of July?
watched the parades

2 Did you go to the fireworks?
no- I had to work

3 Did you blast the A/C all day
no

AUGUST-

1 Did you do anything special at the end of your summer?
Work... and went to Bear Lake for a singles' ward activity with Zach- super fun

2 What was your favorite summer memory of '08?
bike rides with Zach

3 Did you have a sunburn?
yeah, holy crap... my legs *never* tan (my dad was a redhead as a child), but I burned them so badly they do now... don't ever fall asleep outside for an hour and a half on each side (front and back)... PAIN. But if you do get badly burned, soak a washcloth with WARM/LUKEWARM water and lay it on the burns. You'll have to change it frequently, but if you use cold water, it is a shock to your body and can give you a fever, plus your skin tightens to keep your body heat in and traps the burn in. Pain.

4 Did you go to the pool a lot?
no, sadly

SEPTEMBER-

1 Are you attending college/school?
yes- BYU

2 Do you like fall better than summer?
not really

3 What happened this month?
school

OCTOBER-

1 What did you do for Halloween?
party at Travis' house :)

2 What is your favorite candy?
oh boy another horrible question... anything chocolate will work though, and gummy bears/lifesavers, jolly ranchers...

3 What was your favorite thing about this month?
dunno

NOVEMBER-

1 Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving?
we alternate between different family setups for Thanksgiving- this year my house

2 What are you thankful for?
lots of things

3 Do you love stuffing?
YES. and NOG- but not straight- a little more than 1/3 milk

4 Anything special in this month?
I don't think so

DECEMBER-

1 Do you celebrate Christmas?
Of course!!!

2 Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe?
no, sadly... I wanted to put some up once but didn't have any and forgot. That's like the one time when I wouldn't mind being kissed on the cheek- of course by somebody I know and like (not necessarily romantically)

3 Get anything special last year?
probably... I don't want to think and remember :P

4 What do you want this year?
see my other note :P and penguin stuff... :D

5 What do you love most about December?
I love giving people presents-- I wish I could give more but I don't have the resources. It's awesome watching their faces. Of course, getting stuff I really want is awesome too.

If These Are True, You Live in Utah!

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=55

86 Ways to Know You're Addicted to Facebook

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=53

Marriage Tech Support

Married "Tech Support"
Share
Friday, October 3, 2008 at 2:03am | Edit Note | Delete
I found this on a Facebook group-- I think it's great (as long as you understand it’s satire). Enjoy!

"LAUGH:

Dear Tech support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 .
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition,
Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 .
Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)



REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony - Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance .
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support"

BYU vs. Utah jokes

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=51

Dumb Utah Laws

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=50

Trivia: in the year 1907

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=19

Really Smart Kids

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=49

If You Get Caught Sleeping at Your Desk

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=48

You know you are living in 2006 (or 2008) when

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=47

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=46

The Derivative Song

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=45

New Math

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=44

I Hold Your Hand in Mine

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=43

When You are Old and Grey

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=42

Wernher von Braun

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=41

Who's Next?

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=40

Poisoning Pigeons in the Park

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=38

The Elements

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=39

"Interdigitation"

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=36

Oreo Cookie Personality Test

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=37

Advice to Youth

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=33

Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=34

Label Instructions

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=35

T-Shirts

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=31

Funny Church Announcements

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=30

ACTUAL ANNOUNCEMENTS TAKEN FROM CHURCH BULLETINS:
Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Tuesday at 4 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at side entrance.

http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/humor/general.htm

Things to Think About

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=29

Redneck Stuff

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=28

Teenage Declaration of Independence

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=27

Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=26

50 Things to do at Wal-Mart --- gotta love these

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=25

Split Pea Tortellini Soup

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=24

Spaghetti Pie

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=23

Sour Cream Enchiladas

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=22

Ham Fried Rice

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=21

Hilariously Awful Analogies and Metaphors

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=20

Trivia: in the year 1907

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=19

Funny Stuff Kids Say

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=18

2008 Darwin Awards

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=15

Proverbs by First Graders

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=13

As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You ... Mess It Up.
Better Be Safe Than ... Punch A 5th Grader.
A Miss Is As Good As A ... Mr.
Strike While The ... Bug Is Close.
It's Always Darkest Before ... Daylight Savings Time.
Never Under Estimate The Power Of ... Termites.
You Can't Teach An Old Dog New ... Math.
If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll ... Stink In The Morning.
Love All, Trust ... Me
The Pen Is Mightier Than The ... Pigs.
An Idle Mind Is ... The Best Way To Relax.
Where There's Smoke, There's ... Pollution.
A Penny Saved Is ... Not Much.
Two's Company, Three's ... The Musketeers.
Don't Put Off Tomorrow What ... You Put On To Go To Bed.
Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And ... You Have To Blow Your Nose.
None Are So Blind As ... Helen Keller.
Children Should Be Seen And Not ... Spanked Or Grounded.
If At First You Don't Succeed ... Get New Batteries.
When The Blind Leadeth The Blind ... Get Out Of The Way.
Don't Bite The Hand That ... Looks Dirty.
You Can Lead A Horse To Water But ... How?


http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/humor/other.htm

Why Women Are Better

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=14

Missionary Letters: Spoofs from Scripture

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=12

The first epistle of the Elders to the dead Letter Writers

CHAPTER ONE
1. In the beginning was the mailbox and the mailbox was void of letters.
2. And the missionaries said, Let the mailbox be filled and the box was not filled.
3. And the missionaries beheld the continuing void and were not pleased.
4. And lo, it was the first day of the week and there was no mail delivered, but this was good.
5. But on the second day mail was delivered, yet the mailbox remained empty.
6. Yea, even from the second day unto the seventh was the mail delivered.
7. Even so the box retained its' void.
8. And yea, great mists of darkness spread forth from the void and enshrouded the Missionaries. Yea and did bring much sadness to their otherwise cheery days.
9. Even the long hours of fruitless tracting, being chased by the fowls of the air, and being pursued by the beast of the field were not as disheartening as the lack of sacred objects known as letters.
10. Yet they persisted.

CHAPTER TWO
1. And, lo, on the second day of the second week the mists still encircled the sacred mailbox.
2. And on the third day, from within the depths of the void was a single postcard.
3. And this postcard put forth a single ray of light which did pierce the darkness and did overcome the mists.
4. And the Missionaries were well pleased and there was much rejoicing.
5. But, alas, their joy was not to last. For the mailbeast had made a mistake and the postcard was for someone else.
6. But if their joy was so exceedingly great over someone else's mail, how great would be their joy at partaking of their own mail.

CHAPTER THREE
1. And we give unto you the parable of the Two Letter Writers.
2. At the hour of noon a certain scribe sat down to write a letter.
3. And the scribe did think of many things to write, but, he spent so much time thinking that he did not write.
4. Nevertheless he felt good because he had great intentions.
5. At that same hour a publican sat down and wrote a few words as he ate.
6. Yet he felt guilty at not writing enough.
7. And, lo, the 24 months passed and the Missionary returned home and passed by the scribes' house.
8. Yea, he went even unto the house of the publican and did visit the publican.
9. Verily a letter is like unto a prize in a Cheerios box; the which if a man knows it is in there he selleth all that he has that he may buy a case of Cheerios that he may obtain it.

CHAPTER FOUR
1. Even more blessed than the Missionary receiving mail is a friend or relative writing letters.
2. And if you should spend 5 minutes writing on letter how great shall be your joy.
3. And if your joy be great with one letter, how great shall it be with many letters in the mailbox of a missionary.
4. Else why do they build Post Offices if letters are written not at all; why then do they build Post Offices.
5. Yea, though I speak with the tongue of men and angels, and write not letters, I am nothing.
6. Letters never faileth; But if there be good thoughts they shall fail; whether there be unsent mail it shall vanish.
7. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child.
8. Even as I have put away my childish things, ye must replace them with unchildish mail.
9. And now abideth thoughts, intentions, mail; These three. But the greatest of these is mail.
10. Yea, if thou lovest me, write me letters.

CHAPTER FIVE
1. But some will say, a letter, a letter. We have already written a letter. We have no need to write anymore letters.
2. Know ye not that there are more days than one. And more events than one in a day. Why think ye that these events need not to be reported.
3. Yea, and ye need not worry that your letter will go unanswered.
4. But you should say, I will go and write the letter that a missionary requests. For I know he giveth no request except he be prepared to respond.
5. And we give unto you the Parable of the self addressed envelopes.
6. When the missionary departed into the far off land he gave a certain number of self-addressed stamped envelopes to his friends.
7. Unto one he gave 5, unto another he gave 2, and unto the third he gave 1.
8. And while he was gone he that was given the 5 envelopes wrote 5 letters then in his zeal wrote 5 letters more.
9. The same with him that had 2 envelopes; he wrote 2 letters and then 2 letters more.
10. He that was given the self addressed envelope became slothful and careless. And he lost the envelope, even that which he was given.
11. When the missionary came home he went unto his friends. And he that had written 10 letters was warmly greeted.
12. The same with him that had written 4.
13. But he that had written none at all was given nothing more than a Fishy-Whimp like handshake.

CHAPTER SIX
1. And it has been said; Blessed are the letter writers for they shall receive mail in return.
2. Blessed are they that keep in touch with a missionary for they shall know all that happens to him.
3. Ye and your letters are the light of a missionaries' day.
4. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.
5. Neither do men write letters and put them in a desk but in an envelope that it giveth light unto all that are around the missionary.
6. Let your letters so be read by missionaries that they may see your good works and show an increased love to you.
7. And we give unto you the Parable of the Prodigal Letter Writer.
8. A missionary had two friends while he was laboring in the field.
9. One was faithful and wrote every week to the missionary.
10. Meanwhile, the other friend spent his stamp money on riotous living and wrote no letters.
11. But after 231/2 months he felt deep sorrow and did write a letter unto the missionary.
12. Who when he received it did go and kill the fatted Macaroni and Cheese box and did feast and was merry.
13. For it was meet that he should make merry for the letter writer which was lost was now found.

CHAPTER SEVEN
1. Unto you is given some stationary, and some paper, and some envelopes, and some pens and pencils.
2. For the writing of the letters, for the cheering up of the missionary, for the improving of your English skills.
3. Till the missionary return home, till we all come to be together again in the bond of friendship.
4. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose.
5. A time to contemplate writing and a time to write.
6. A time to put letters in the envelopes and a time to stamp the envelopes.
7. A time to mail the letters and a time to start the whole process over again.
8. Now we beseech you brethren concerning the coming home of our missionary and our gathering together to meet him.
9. That you be not soon shaken in mind or be troubled neither by word nor by any letter from us that the return missionary is at hand.
10. Let no one deceive you by any means for that day shall not come unless there first be an abundance of letters; and the man of mail be revealed, a true friend.

CHAPTER EIGHT
1. And the missionary said unto his friend, Lovest thou me?
2. And the friend said, of course I love thee.
3. He saith a second time, friend, Lovest thou me? and the friend said, Thou knowest that I love thee. He then said, Feed my mailbox.
4. He then spake a third time saying, Lovest thou me? and the friend said, Thou knowest all things, thou knowest I love thee.
5. Then the missionary said, Stuffest my mailbox.
6. And the vision is become unto all as the words of a letter which is sealed in the envelope that the men deliver to one who is not serving a mission saying, read this, I pray thee; and he saith I cannot for it is not mine.
7. And the letter is delivered to him that is serving a mission saying, read this I pray thee; and he saith, why sure.
8. Therefore you should proceed to do a marvelous work among a missionary, even a marvelous work and a wonder by writing a letter.

CHAPTER NINE
1. And the word of the Missionary came unto his friend saying,
2. Moreover, thou friend of mine, take thee one piece of paper and write it for a Missionary and for the House of the Mexico City North Mission, his companions; and then take an envelope and write upon it for a missionary and for the House of the Mexico City North Mission, his companions.
3. And join them one to another into a letter and they shall become one in the hand of the mailman.
4. For what doth it profit a man if he say he hath thought, but write no letter? Can thoughts save him?
5. If a brother or sister have a birthday,
6. And you say unto him, Happy Birthday, notwithstanding you give them not a cake with candles upon it. What doth it profit?
7. Even so, thoughts without letters are dead, being alone.
8. But if we say we have no thoughts, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
9. Therefore, since ye have thoughts, write ye letters.

CHAPTER TEN
1. And now we wish to tell you the story of the Anti-letter-writer.
2. And there dwelt in the land at the time a certain Anti-letter-writer who went about convincing the people that there was no need to write letters.
3. Indeed so persuasive were his arguments that many people did cease to write letters to Missionaries.
4. Then a returned missionary did confront the Anti-letter-writer and didst dispute his arguments.
5. Then it came to pass that the Anti-letter-writer did ask for a sign that letters should be sent, then would he believe.
6. Then the returned missionary said, just as assuredly as letters are to be sent so wilt thou be struck down.
7. And at that moment the Anti-letter-writer was run over by a mail truck and was dragged even unto the Post Office, where he was subsequently mailed to Zimbabwe.
8. Now when the general public saw this they were pricked in their hearts and said, Men and brethren what shall we do?
9. Then the Returned Missionary said. Repent, every one of you and write ten letters unto each Missionary that he may forgive thee of thy thoughtlessness.
10. So now we leave you. Be of good cheer, and remember this last vision.
11. For I saw the dead, small and great stand before the judgment bar, and another book was opened which was the book of letters; and the dead were judged by the letters (or lack thereof) that they had written to the Missionaries.
12. So now we ask, What manner of men ought ye to be? Ye ought to be LETTER WRITERS !!!!!

http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/humor/

Funny LDS (Mormon) Stories

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=11

When the MTC was built in Provo, beautiful green athletic fields were planted so the missionaries would have a place to exercise. However, they were so inviting that BYU students were attracted there, and you would see BYU students out playing touch football, throwing frisbees, etc. on the missionaries' field. To deal with this problem, a large banner was posted, which read "Missionaries Only."

The next day, BYU students were out on the field, playing touch football and throwing frisbees. They had posted a new banner which read, "Every member a missionary."

http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/humor/

Missionary myth.

Two missionaries were asked to speak in the Sacrament Meeting of the small branch in which they were serving. As the first missionary got up to speak, the zipper in his pants broke -- unbeknown to the young Elder. The branch was so small that they didn't even have a real pulpit; they used a music stand to speak behind. It didn't take long for everyone to notice the young missionary's problem. In his innocence, he continued to talk, but couldn't figure out why he was getting so many smiles at first, followed by a few nervous giggles. Even his companion had figured out the problem by now, so he looked in his scriptures and wrote "Isaiah 6:5" on a small piece of paper and slipped it into his companion's hand. Unfortunately, the new missionary wasn't familiar with the Old Testament, so he figured it must be something his companion wanted him to read. Opening the scriptures, he read aloud: "Then said I, Woe [is] me! for I am undone...!" As the congregation burst into unrestrained laughter, the senior companion rushed his young charge to the Men's room.
[NOTE: 2 Nephi 16:5 and Numbers 21:29 can be similarly used]

http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/humor/bible.htm

A scripture to send a missionary who is not writing letters home:
"And now behold, we desire to know the cause of this exceedingly great neglect; yea, we desire to know the cause of your thoughtless state." Alma 60:6

http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/humor/bible.htm

Enchiladas Suisa (red enchiladas)

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=10

Double Chocolate Banana Muffins

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=9

Cheesy Potato Soup

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=8

Blueberry Muffins

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=7

Beef Stroganoff

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=6

Baking Powder Biscuits

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=5

Craig's Crazy Peanut Butter Cookies

http://pff.7h.com/articles/view_article.php?id=3

Love Languages

My roommate has a book on the five 5 love languages and I've been reading it. I also went to a really good seminar once and the speaker (Scott Anderson) mentioned them as well. The languages are:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

What are your thoughts and/or favorite languages? Have you noticed any of these tendencies in your friends?

A good way to tell somebody's primary language is by how they act. For instance, if they are always hugging people, their primary language is probably Physical Touch. If somebody likes to do tings for people or give them things, it's probably Acts of Service or Receiving Gifts. You get the idea. However, that does not mean that the other languages are not important. But if that person is shy, you might not be able to tell their real language-- and you might not even tell they're shy. They could be totally outgoing when it comes to other things but reserved when it comes to trying to show someone that they like them. Or even somebody who normally isn't like that could be shy when they're not sure how the other person will respond.

Here are my thoughts on the love languages:

Words of Affirmation: I love it when they're said directly to me- that's kind of something I expect every day (like a compliment or "I love you"), but to really show me someone cares, I love it when comments are unexpected, like if we're in a group and they say something good about me or they tell someone something good about me and I hear about it later.
Quality Time: Also really important- I expect it also, but when it's really hard to fit in an actual date or something besides sitting on the couch (after marriage) and talking or whatever stuff we do daily, quality time becomes a special expression of love when someone makes time for me when it's not convenient. But I still kind of expect that... hm. Meh.

Receiving Gifts: Gifts are just fun, but that's not my primary language. Maybe that's because I don't like lots of money being spent on me because I feel bad- stuff is expensive, especially when you're a college student living off your summer savings or whatever you make at your piddly part-time on-campus job (unless you have a good one somehow, but still). I do like to give gifts though- it's fun to doorbell-ditch (or give them some other way) cookies or double-chocolate banana muffins or something every once in a while.

Acts of Service: I consider acts of service as something done out of love, but not as the primary way to show love, if that makes sense. I do consider it love,because if you love your spouse you'll do that sort of thing for them, but not as much one of my more important love languages just because I expect a husband to do those kinds of things anyway... well I guess it is an important one... hm, how to word. "Meh" again.

Physical Touch: The funnest one (and yes I know that's not a word). I love just sitting close to somebody while we watch a movie or go on a hayride or whatever. This is also something that's not too hard to do if you're too shy to let someone know you like them another way. You can show it nonverbally by just sitting close to them during a movie or hayride or whatever you do for a date, or if you're walking around looking at the leaves or just taking a walk and making conversation, it's not too hard to put your hand on their back or if you're bold, around them, and if you're even bolder, reaching for their hand. This is often easier to get away with if it's cold out- and if your date says that they're cold, they might even be hinting at this. (FYI girls drop hints like crazy-- or at least I have been known to. I don't really know how much guys do because they seem to not like the whole subtlety thing as much; they seem to prefer being more blunt. Guys, any thoughts?). Just don't do something extreme or sudden because that probably won't go over well. As far as watching other people enjoy physical touch, that's a really big pet peeve of mine. Let me tell you why. to be continued after class

More info on the book:
It's by Gary Chapman, a marriage therapy counselor sort of guy. In his book he explains the different languages of love, basically how to show someone you love them in a way that will best communicate "love" to them. He also talks about different "dialects" in the languages- basically different kinds of Quality Time or Acts of Service or whatever. It's a really good book, only about half an inch thick, and I think they use it in a class but I could be totally wrong- my roommate has it and I borrowed it. It's really good and I'd recommend it to anybody college age and up- I guess teenagers too but it's more important for those who are actually looking for a more serious relationship.

Women jokes

 WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

---

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

---

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,    Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,    "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."    He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

---

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

---

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

---

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;   God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

---

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."  Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."    Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .......

... "HEBREWS"

---

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,   "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.   The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

---

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece .

Scottish Kilt trivia

You can have a Scottish kilt made for you and part of your request includes specifying how much fabric is used which indicates the "fullness" of the pleating in the kilt. The choices are 5, 7 or 9 yards. The expression "the whole 9 yards" comes from this.

Women and Public Bathrooms

I don't remember where I found this, but it's funny and I had to share, even if it's a bit hypochondriac.

---

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! 

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.

It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.

Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could 

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!

Family quotes

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. [It’s about weathering it together?]
A good laugh is like sunshine in the house.
Count your blessings.
A good laugh is like sunshine in the house.
It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.
Carpe Diem
It’s never too late to become what you might have been.
People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.—Abraham Lincoln
Kindness matters.
You can be wise & happy or stupid & miserable. –Pres. Hinckley
For where your treasure is, there let your heart be also. Luke 12:34
O be wise; what can I say more?
This too shall pass
Always walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away and have their shoes.
A life without books is like a house without windows.–Richard Steele, 1710
You always stand taller when you lift another.

if you claim to be a Mormon

A Facebook "friend" of mine wrote a scathing note about LDS culture, and this was my boyfriend's response.

----------

Oh boy, I like this note. Let's see, what to address...

First...I think you have suffered from the "minority representing the majority" problem that plagues the church...I'm glad you acknowledged that you know that everyone doesn't do that, which is very important, but I'd still like to point out that your examples are those people who...well, are not representative of a normal Mormon, just representative of the what too many people think is a typical Mormon.

Quick tidbit of info: The actual stance of the LDS church is that one should refrain from exclamations of that sort at all. There really isn't a time that anyone *has* to say anything like that, but people have grown so accustomed to saying stuff like that that if someone wants to change, they just censor themselves to "frick", "dang", "crap" instead of going all the way. Probably one of the least followed things in the church, actually.

Now about quoting things like the honor code, FSOY, etc...as far as the honor code goes, anyone who goes to BYU deserves to have that quoted at them, since they are legally obliged to follow it. If someone who doesn't go to BYU gets it quoted at them, then yes, that is wrong to do, but otherwise it is no different than any other contract or legal agreement. You signed it, so you do it.

Quoting the FSOY, Prophet, BoM, Official Church standings, etc...well, this again depends on who you are. If you are a Mormon who claims to believe as the church does, then you better well act like it, and these things being quoted are what you should be following. And if you claim to be a Mormon, then others who hear your claim will assume you believe as the LDS church does. If this is not true, then don't profess yourself to be Mormon. I am not saying to stop being a Mormon, but don't make people think that your beliefs are the same as the Mormon beliefs if they are not. Now I think I've gotten off...

...my original point, so let's make a new paragraph and get back on track.

If you claim to be a Mormon, then you must be prepared to have the things that define Mormon beliefs pointed out to you if you are not following them. If you are a Mormon but do not claim to follow Mormon beliefs...well, that's the problem isn't it...in fact, I'm going to come back to it later - I'll put more thought into it while I write this next part.

If you are not Mormon, and the person quoting these things is doing so because they are saying that the things they are quoting are the reason that you are wrong, then the person doing the quoting is absolutely wrong in doing that. In any case, not just the Mormon example, this is using these things in the utterly wrong context and in the Mormon case is also being rather un-Mormon. *This* is most definitely a case of forcing your beliefs, and this part is *definitely* a stupid thing to do. It simply alienates the person from your beliefs even more. . .

. . .HOWEVER (and this is where people get caught up way too often: If the person is quoting them because they are saying "I believe what you are doing is wrong, and this is why I believe that" (as opposed to "What you are doing is wrong, and this is why it is wrong"), *that* is OK. It is not the wisest of tactics, since almost anyone will assume that you are intending the second sentence, but to do so is not inherently wrong. In *this* situation, it is the fault of the one who claims to be attacked, because they are reading the situation incorrectly.

Now...back to being a Mormon but not claiming to follow Mormon beliefs...well, it seems to me that it makes both parties are in the right...your fellow Mormons still are in the right to tell you what the true Mormon beliefs are, because even you aren't telling others, you *are* a Mormon. However, you also have the right to request of someone to cease telling you those things and to expect them to stop. If you haven't requested...
...something like that, then the response should be to ask them to stop. If you *have* asked them to stop, that is when they are in the wrong.

Wow...I'm all written out. I could probably write a few comments more, but I've hit the point where I just don't want to anymore. I feel I should add a couple things though:

In case there are readers who aren't aware, the "Mormon Church", the "LDS Church", and "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints" are one and the same. Apologies if any confusion arose because of that.

Also, as I usually have to, I will add a disclaimer. This is not intended as an attack on anybody. It is also not intended to defend the LDS Church or its members, though I am sure it did at some points. I do not believe Ashley's note to be attacking either of these, and I want to make an effort to make sure people are not taking it that way, and if I tried to defend where I should have this would be contrary to that belief. So, to anyone who read her note and...
(It was just pointed out to me - the sentence above should read "...shouldn't have, this would be contrary...")
...came off offended, please re-read it and read what she is actually saying. This is also becoming less of a disclaimer and more of me starting to write again...:P But, to finish the disclaimer: I also ask the same thing if you came off of my comments offended. Please read what I wrote again and see that I am not attacking anyone. If it helps, this is written in second person: any "you" means anyone, in general, not anybody specific.

Oh, one last thing, and this time I am addressing Ashley specifically: You shouldn't discredit yourself. I am referring to "I don’t even expect people to read this far". Your point is well made and most of us, at least anyone who cares about this type of thing, will read these things all the way through.

Alright, that's it for now, there is other stuff I could write on though, so if I decide to, don't say I didn't warn you. ;)

9 Dangerous Words Women Use

Nine Dangerous Words Women Use

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about Nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of Nothing.)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's Okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU! -
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

The Berrett Call

So apparently on the Berrett side of my family going back... 5 generations, we have a song. It's to the tune of "The Call of Love" in the old LDS hymnbook (pre-1985). It looks nice, but as a song it's terribly cheesy.

Verse 1

"In the month of August, a welcome call we hear

So we answer gladly, and all assemble here

Oh, hear the Berrett Call:

Chorus

"The Berrett Call is to help us, our love to increase

A name to love and to honor, it never shall cease

We love to tell of, we love to sing of, a name good and true

Our ancestors, the Berretts, we are proud of you

Verse 2

"From a far-off country, a land across the sea

They came for the gospel, to worship and be free

Oh, listen to their call

Verse 3

"We who are their children, will each be true and strong

Be proud of our birthright, we'll always carry on.

We'll heed the Berrett Call.

Words by Louie Berrett O'Bray, 1953

Another one of my ancestors wrote this song. It's much better.

Dorm Heart Attack Valentines' Day 2008 by Maeser 72

Previously published as a Facebook note.

Last night my roommates decided to go check on Roxy because we had heard rumors about the boys locking her in her room. What we found when we went downstairs was much different: the Maeser 72 boys were heart-attacking the front of our hall! I thought this was mostly for my roommates because they doorbell-ditched Valentines' ask-outs to some of the Maeser 72 boys (Brad Lewis, McKay Britsch, Jeff Björkman, Alan Reintjes, and Anthony Carlson) and one or two others to ask them out, but Alan has informed me that it was for everybody. You guys are awesome.

So here are all the hearts the boys wrote that I was able to write down/get a video of (my fingers and toes are frozen!). Most are original or inside jokes, and others are just cheesy or altered-to-fit-BYU pickup lines.

Hold me tightly
Gentle meadow spring sprints through the grassy darkness belting out for truth
To love and to be loved is to feel the sun from both sides
You make me feel like a natural ... man?
I love you
Let's have a textual relationship
I'll build you a cake
If you were cheese, I would totally cut you
If I was a spoon and you were a fork, we'd have a spork
We love you
1 volcano says to the other, "I lava-you!"
I will enjoy your Facebook profile
Your inner beauty consumes my soul
I need you like campus police need a life
Your pleasant personality is trumped only by your classy pants preferences
Meet me at the bell tower
If a magical wizard sent us on a magnificent quest, we would complete the quest by sundown, converse passionately by dinner, and glory in our love with all the kingdom before bed
Touch me (appropriately)
I have romantic feelings for you
If I had a magic carpet I'd fly straight to your heart and establish friendly relations with the locals
I can't hide my feelings anymore
Sink me
Tenderly embrace me ... hard
That's what he said
"Chris Brown" (enough said)
I'll give you a high-five every night we must part
You're the jello in my life
I've been and will forever be waiting for you
I would hug you so respectfully
Insert cheesy Valentines day note here
I watch you in the periodicals
I'm lovin' it! M
I'm writing this on a hymn book
Did you hear that? My heart skipped a beat
I could call you baaaaaaby
Don't hide your thoughts anymore
Oh sweet nothings
I need you like the creamery needs more selection
You turn me off ("off" crossed out)!
:)
You twist my heart like a pretzel
Are you a gardener? Because I'd like to plant my tulips near yours
Look at me eye to eye
I'm a melting igloo and you are the fire inside
I have your picture taped to my chest and I would never take it off (it would hurt)
I'm letting it all out
You are the color in my M&Ms
I need you like the cure for AIDS
The sky is jealousy because the stars are in your eyes
Some like it hot! I agree with Marylin
Fill in the blank: Our ___ is ___ and ___ will ___ die ___
Nobody touches other men but me. -- Christian
I need you like a trashman needs a dumpster
Be my Valentine
Sine may oop
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first
I cherish thee
Frolic through flowers (with picture of two stick people frolicking)
If you and I were Buddhist we would be reincarnated on the top and bottom lips of the most finest jaguar
These words all rhyme: mine, fine, time, rhyme
You --- what --- --- --- (need to go read that one again)
----------- (that one too)
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you I'd have 5 cents
I want to farm my love potatoes in your fertile garden (with picture of farmer plowing)
------- -------- 70% -------- ------- entire time (reread that too)
Nice clothes
I need you like ----- needs to come down - ------ and Mike
Kiss me gently
I'll be the honey, you be the bee
You are the honey on my buns
You are as fine as a freshly manufactured cherry door - #72 and Mike
pg. 356
I'd go a month without washing my underwear for you
I love you like a fox loves a box who needs a box who loves foxi!
72 + Fugal = trouble and/or love
I need you like a terrorist needs a cell phone activated car bomb
Silver crescent moon, find your shine in her soft eyes, a wonderful sky
You can call me Papa
Happy Valentines' Day!
Clever jokes
If you were a stack of flapjacks, I'd be a lumberjack so I could build you a two-story house to weave your baskets in
Kiss me
I want you
<3 me+you
You make me weak in the knees!
If you had a hairy lip, I would totally tweeze it for you
I need you like a fish needs a symmetrical body and paired organs to survive
You be the cheese I'll be the it
You're worth every pickup line every time
Hey girl
72 loves you
Fugal rhymes with Bugle. I love Bugles!
I need you like Roger Clemens needs a solid case - 72 and Mike
I need you like my dad needs a high-resolution big-screen TV and DVR to record his favorite shows
I'll be ---'s ---- you've --- --- --- (need to reread)
You are the sugar on my cookie
I want to capture the planets in your eyes
We love you randomly
If your lips were Skittles I'd want to taste the rainbow
Be ours
I want to make ---------------- (reread)
Romantic innuendos
This is a black Valentine
Fill in the blank: will ___ be ___ for ___ time
Love Maeser 72
Once upon a time there was a little girl who loved a little boy who really loved a different girl. Too bad!
I need you like Bob Marley needs pot - 72 and Mike
You are the Crisco to my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe
If you were a multivitamin I would take you daily
I want to caress your eyelashes with the utmost ferocity and passion
My eyelashes flutter for you
I need you like the Krebs cycle needs acetyl CoA to transport carbon compounds
You are like an untamed stallion (with picture of snake and dragon)
Fugal me!
I think I need CPR- you just took my breath away
I love you 10^infinity
Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes
Are you lost? Heaven's a long way from here
ARGH! Surrender yer booty!
You're money!
You light my candle
I love you more than 1000 red baboons
You're the Quaker in my oats
I live for your texts!
I'll be jealous of every wallpost from other guys
FOXY
I will support you when you're old and wrinkly
I love you randomly!
Look at me eye to eye
Circle the most correct answer: Our love/hate relationship will always/never/sometimes last forever/never
Oh sweet nothings!
Your inner beauty consumes my soul

You boys are so creative! Tell me if I missed anything.

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• 

  
  

  Alan Reintjes · 2 mutual friends

  two corrections: my name is wrong, and sorry but the valentines were for the entire hall. sorry lol

  February 14, 2008 at 7:36pm · Like
• 

  
  

  Angela Decker That's totally fine! My roommates kinda thought the whole thing was mostly or somewhat prompted by their Valentine stuff, but that's good to know it was for everybody.  I'll fix your name too.

  February 14, 2008 at 8:11pm · Like
• 

  
  

  Angela Decker BTW you guys are so creative and lots of these were really funny.

  February 14, 2008 at 8:11pm · Like
• 

  
  

  Angela Bryant lol I'm sorry.. I'm one of those last min girlfriends who forgot to get their boyfriend anything.. I'm gonna have to steal some of those lines for my boyfriends present if that's okay.. way cute though! I bet that was exciteing

  February 14, 2008 at 8:16pm · Like
• 

  
  

  Alan Reintjes · 2 mutual friends

  haha thanks...im impressed you recorded all those valentines tho. There must have been a few hundred between fugal and gates

  February 14, 2008 at 11:08pm · Like
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  Jessica Young · 2 mutual friends

  "If you had a hairy lip, I would totally tweeze it for you"
  So romantic.....
  
  But the whole idea was way cute guys! It made me smile!!!

  February 15, 2008 at 9:39am · Like