You can have a Scottish kilt made for you and
part of your request includes specifying how much fabric is used which
indicates the "fullness" of the pleating in the kilt. The choices are
5, 7 or 9 yards. The expression "the whole 9 yards" comes from this.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Women and Public Bathrooms
I don't remember where I found this, but it's funny and I had to share, even if it's a bit hypochondriac.
---
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your
turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking
down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't
matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The
dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no
doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if
there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The
Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin
to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The
Stance."
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for
what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you
can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to
clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your
thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on
yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself
at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't
work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank
of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the
door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle
on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well
that it's too late.
Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable
germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you
could
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the
toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that
you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in
too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and
the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the
automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line
points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need
this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since
entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he
asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a
public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains
to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and
hand you Kleenex under the door!
This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could
describe it so accurately!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Family quotes
We may not have it all together, but together we have it all
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. [It’s about weathering it together?]
A good laugh is like sunshine in the house.
Count your blessings.
A good laugh is like sunshine in the house.
It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.
Carpe Diem
It’s never too late to become what you might have been.
People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.—Abraham Lincoln
Kindness matters.
You can be wise & happy or stupid & miserable. –Pres. Hinckley
For where your treasure is, there let your heart be also. Luke 12:34
O be wise; what can I say more?
This too shall pass
Always walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away and have their shoes.
A life without books is like a house without windows.–Richard Steele, 1710
You always stand taller when you lift another.
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. [It’s about weathering it together?]
A good laugh is like sunshine in the house.
Count your blessings.
A good laugh is like sunshine in the house.
It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.
Carpe Diem
It’s never too late to become what you might have been.
People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.—Abraham Lincoln
Kindness matters.
You can be wise & happy or stupid & miserable. –Pres. Hinckley
For where your treasure is, there let your heart be also. Luke 12:34
O be wise; what can I say more?
This too shall pass
Always walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away and have their shoes.
A life without books is like a house without windows.–Richard Steele, 1710
You always stand taller when you lift another.
Friday, March 28, 2008
if you claim to be a Mormon
A Facebook "friend" of mine wrote a scathing note about LDS culture, and this was my boyfriend's response.
----------
Oh boy, I like this note. Let's see, what to address...
First...I think you have suffered from the "minority representing the majority" problem that plagues the church...I'm glad you acknowledged that you know that everyone doesn't do that, which is very important, but I'd still like to point out that your examples are those people who...well, are not representative of a normal Mormon, just representative of the what too many people think is a typical Mormon.
Quick tidbit of info: The actual stance of the LDS church is that one should refrain from exclamations of that sort at all. There really isn't a time that anyone *has* to say anything like that, but people have grown so accustomed to saying stuff like that that if someone wants to change, they just censor themselves to "frick", "dang", "crap" instead of going all the way. Probably one of the least followed things in the church, actually.
Now about quoting things like the honor code, FSOY, etc...as far as the honor code goes, anyone who goes to BYU deserves to have that quoted at them, since they are legally obliged to follow it. If someone who doesn't go to BYU gets it quoted at them, then yes, that is wrong to do, but otherwise it is no different than any other contract or legal agreement. You signed it, so you do it.
Quoting the FSOY, Prophet, BoM, Official Church standings, etc...well, this again depends on who you are. If you are a Mormon who claims to believe as the church does, then you better well act like it, and these things being quoted are what you should be following. And if you claim to be a Mormon, then others who hear your claim will assume you believe as the LDS church does. If this is not true, then don't profess yourself to be Mormon. I am not saying to stop being a Mormon, but don't make people think that your beliefs are the same as the Mormon beliefs if they are not. Now I think I've gotten off...
...my original point, so let's make a new paragraph and get back on track.
If you claim to be a Mormon, then you must be prepared to have the things that define Mormon beliefs pointed out to you if you are not following them. If you are a Mormon but do not claim to follow Mormon beliefs...well, that's the problem isn't it...in fact, I'm going to come back to it later - I'll put more thought into it while I write this next part.
If you are not Mormon, and the person quoting these things is doing so because they are saying that the things they are quoting are the reason that you are wrong, then the person doing the quoting is absolutely wrong in doing that. In any case, not just the Mormon example, this is using these things in the utterly wrong context and in the Mormon case is also being rather un-Mormon. *This* is most definitely a case of forcing your beliefs, and this part is *definitely* a stupid thing to do. It simply alienates the person from your beliefs even more. . .
. . .HOWEVER (and this is where people get caught up way too often: If the person is quoting them because they are saying "I believe what you are doing is wrong, and this is why I believe that" (as opposed to "What you are doing is wrong, and this is why it is wrong"), *that* is OK. It is not the wisest of tactics, since almost anyone will assume that you are intending the second sentence, but to do so is not inherently wrong. In *this* situation, it is the fault of the one who claims to be attacked, because they are reading the situation incorrectly.
Now...back to being a Mormon but not claiming to follow Mormon beliefs...well, it seems to me that it makes both parties are in the right...your fellow Mormons still are in the right to tell you what the true Mormon beliefs are, because even you aren't telling others, you *are* a Mormon. However, you also have the right to request of someone to cease telling you those things and to expect them to stop. If you haven't requested...
...something like that, then the response should be to ask them to stop. If you *have* asked them to stop, that is when they are in the wrong.
Wow...I'm all written out. I could probably write a few comments more, but I've hit the point where I just don't want to anymore. I feel I should add a couple things though:
In case there are readers who aren't aware, the "Mormon Church", the "LDS Church", and "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints" are one and the same. Apologies if any confusion arose because of that.
Also, as I usually have to, I will add a disclaimer. This is not intended as an attack on anybody. It is also not intended to defend the LDS Church or its members, though I am sure it did at some points. I do not believe Ashley's note to be attacking either of these, and I want to make an effort to make sure people are not taking it that way, and if I tried to defend where I should have this would be contrary to that belief. So, to anyone who read her note and...
(It was just pointed out to me - the sentence above should read "...shouldn't have, this would be contrary...")
...came off offended, please re-read it and read what she is actually saying. This is also becoming less of a disclaimer and more of me starting to write again...:P But, to finish the disclaimer: I also ask the same thing if you came off of my comments offended. Please read what I wrote again and see that I am not attacking anyone. If it helps, this is written in second person: any "you" means anyone, in general, not anybody specific.
Oh, one last thing, and this time I am addressing Ashley specifically: You shouldn't discredit yourself. I am referring to "I don’t even expect people to read this far". Your point is well made and most of us, at least anyone who cares about this type of thing, will read these things all the way through.
Alright, that's it for now, there is other stuff I could write on though, so if I decide to, don't say I didn't warn you. ;)
----------
Oh boy, I like this note. Let's see, what to address...
First...I think you have suffered from the "minority representing the majority" problem that plagues the church...I'm glad you acknowledged that you know that everyone doesn't do that, which is very important, but I'd still like to point out that your examples are those people who...well, are not representative of a normal Mormon, just representative of the what too many people think is a typical Mormon.
Quick tidbit of info: The actual stance of the LDS church is that one should refrain from exclamations of that sort at all. There really isn't a time that anyone *has* to say anything like that, but people have grown so accustomed to saying stuff like that that if someone wants to change, they just censor themselves to "frick", "dang", "crap" instead of going all the way. Probably one of the least followed things in the church, actually.
Now about quoting things like the honor code, FSOY, etc...as far as the honor code goes, anyone who goes to BYU deserves to have that quoted at them, since they are legally obliged to follow it. If someone who doesn't go to BYU gets it quoted at them, then yes, that is wrong to do, but otherwise it is no different than any other contract or legal agreement. You signed it, so you do it.
Quoting the FSOY, Prophet, BoM, Official Church standings, etc...well, this again depends on who you are. If you are a Mormon who claims to believe as the church does, then you better well act like it, and these things being quoted are what you should be following. And if you claim to be a Mormon, then others who hear your claim will assume you believe as the LDS church does. If this is not true, then don't profess yourself to be Mormon. I am not saying to stop being a Mormon, but don't make people think that your beliefs are the same as the Mormon beliefs if they are not. Now I think I've gotten off...
...my original point, so let's make a new paragraph and get back on track.
If you claim to be a Mormon, then you must be prepared to have the things that define Mormon beliefs pointed out to you if you are not following them. If you are a Mormon but do not claim to follow Mormon beliefs...well, that's the problem isn't it...in fact, I'm going to come back to it later - I'll put more thought into it while I write this next part.
If you are not Mormon, and the person quoting these things is doing so because they are saying that the things they are quoting are the reason that you are wrong, then the person doing the quoting is absolutely wrong in doing that. In any case, not just the Mormon example, this is using these things in the utterly wrong context and in the Mormon case is also being rather un-Mormon. *This* is most definitely a case of forcing your beliefs, and this part is *definitely* a stupid thing to do. It simply alienates the person from your beliefs even more. . .
. . .HOWEVER (and this is where people get caught up way too often: If the person is quoting them because they are saying "I believe what you are doing is wrong, and this is why I believe that" (as opposed to "What you are doing is wrong, and this is why it is wrong"), *that* is OK. It is not the wisest of tactics, since almost anyone will assume that you are intending the second sentence, but to do so is not inherently wrong. In *this* situation, it is the fault of the one who claims to be attacked, because they are reading the situation incorrectly.
Now...back to being a Mormon but not claiming to follow Mormon beliefs...well, it seems to me that it makes both parties are in the right...your fellow Mormons still are in the right to tell you what the true Mormon beliefs are, because even you aren't telling others, you *are* a Mormon. However, you also have the right to request of someone to cease telling you those things and to expect them to stop. If you haven't requested...
...something like that, then the response should be to ask them to stop. If you *have* asked them to stop, that is when they are in the wrong.
Wow...I'm all written out. I could probably write a few comments more, but I've hit the point where I just don't want to anymore. I feel I should add a couple things though:
In case there are readers who aren't aware, the "Mormon Church", the "LDS Church", and "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints" are one and the same. Apologies if any confusion arose because of that.
Also, as I usually have to, I will add a disclaimer. This is not intended as an attack on anybody. It is also not intended to defend the LDS Church or its members, though I am sure it did at some points. I do not believe Ashley's note to be attacking either of these, and I want to make an effort to make sure people are not taking it that way, and if I tried to defend where I should have this would be contrary to that belief. So, to anyone who read her note and...
(It was just pointed out to me - the sentence above should read "...shouldn't have, this would be contrary...")
...came off offended, please re-read it and read what she is actually saying. This is also becoming less of a disclaimer and more of me starting to write again...:P But, to finish the disclaimer: I also ask the same thing if you came off of my comments offended. Please read what I wrote again and see that I am not attacking anyone. If it helps, this is written in second person: any "you" means anyone, in general, not anybody specific.
Oh, one last thing, and this time I am addressing Ashley specifically: You shouldn't discredit yourself. I am referring to "I don’t even expect people to read this far". Your point is well made and most of us, at least anyone who cares about this type of thing, will read these things all the way through.
Alright, that's it for now, there is other stuff I could write on though, so if I decide to, don't say I didn't warn you. ;)
Sunday, March 9, 2008
9 Dangerous Words Women Use
Nine Dangerous Words Women Use
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about Nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of Nothing.)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's Okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU! -
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about Nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of Nothing.)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's Okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU! -
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
The Berrett Call
So apparently on the Berrett side of my family going back... 5 generations, we have a song. It's to the tune of "The Call of Love" in the old LDS hymnbook (pre-1985). It looks nice, but as a song it's terribly cheesy.
Verse 1
"In the month of August, a welcome call we hear
So we answer gladly, and all assemble here
Oh, hear the Berrett Call:
Chorus
"The Berrett Call is to help us, our love to increase
A name to love and to honor, it never shall cease
We love to tell of, we love to sing of, a name good and true
Our ancestors, the Berretts, we are proud of you
Verse 2
"From a far-off country, a land across the sea
They came for the gospel, to worship and be free
Oh, listen to their call
Verse 3
"We who are their children, will each be true and strong
Be proud of our birthright, we'll always carry on.
We'll heed the Berrett Call.
Words by Louie Berrett O'Bray, 1953
Another one of my ancestors wrote this song. It's much better.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Dorm Heart Attack Valentines' Day 2008 by Maeser 72
Previously published as a Facebook note.
Last night my roommates decided to go check on Roxy because we had heard rumors about the boys locking her in her room. What we found when we went downstairs was much different: the Maeser 72 boys were heart-attacking the front of our hall! I thought this was mostly for my roommates because they doorbell-ditched Valentines' ask-outs to some of the Maeser 72 boys (Brad Lewis, McKay Britsch, Jeff Björkman, Alan Reintjes, and Anthony Carlson) and one or two others to ask them out, but Alan has informed me that it was for everybody. You guys are awesome.
So here are all the hearts the boys wrote that I was able to write down/get a video of (my fingers and toes are frozen!). Most are original or inside jokes, and others are just cheesy or altered-to-fit-BYU pickup lines.
Hold me tightly
Gentle meadow spring sprints through the grassy darkness belting out for truth
To love and to be loved is to feel the sun from both sides
You make me feel like a natural ... man?
I love you
Let's have a textual relationship
I'll build you a cake
If you were cheese, I would totally cut you
If I was a spoon and you were a fork, we'd have a spork
We love you
1 volcano says to the other, "I lava-you!"
I will enjoy your Facebook profile
Your inner beauty consumes my soul
I need you like campus police need a life
Your pleasant personality is trumped only by your classy pants preferences
Meet me at the bell tower
If a magical wizard sent us on a magnificent quest, we would complete the quest by sundown, converse passionately by dinner, and glory in our love with all the kingdom before bed
Touch me (appropriately)
I have romantic feelings for you
If I had a magic carpet I'd fly straight to your heart and establish friendly relations with the locals
I can't hide my feelings anymore
Sink me
Tenderly embrace me ... hard
That's what he said
"Chris Brown" (enough said)
I'll give you a high-five every night we must part
You're the jello in my life
I've been and will forever be waiting for you
I would hug you so respectfully
Insert cheesy Valentines day note here
I watch you in the periodicals
I'm lovin' it! M
I'm writing this on a hymn book
Did you hear that? My heart skipped a beat
I could call you baaaaaaby
Don't hide your thoughts anymore
Oh sweet nothings
I need you like the creamery needs more selection
You turn me off ("off" crossed out)!
:)
You twist my heart like a pretzel
Are you a gardener? Because I'd like to plant my tulips near yours
Look at me eye to eye
I'm a melting igloo and you are the fire inside
I have your picture taped to my chest and I would never take it off (it would hurt)
I'm letting it all out
You are the color in my M&Ms
I need you like the cure for AIDS
The sky is jealousy because the stars are in your eyes
Some like it hot! I agree with Marylin
Fill in the blank: Our ___ is ___ and ___ will ___ die ___
Nobody touches other men but me. -- Christian
I need you like a trashman needs a dumpster
Be my Valentine
Sine may oop
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first
I cherish thee
Frolic through flowers (with picture of two stick people frolicking)
If you and I were Buddhist we would be reincarnated on the top and bottom lips of the most finest jaguar
These words all rhyme: mine, fine, time, rhyme
You --- what --- --- --- (need to go read that one again)
----------- (that one too)
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you I'd have 5 cents
I want to farm my love potatoes in your fertile garden (with picture of farmer plowing)
------- -------- 70% -------- ------- entire time (reread that too)
Nice clothes
I need you like ----- needs to come down - ------ and Mike
Kiss me gently
I'll be the honey, you be the bee
You are the honey on my buns
You are as fine as a freshly manufactured cherry door - #72 and Mike
pg. 356
I'd go a month without washing my underwear for you
I love you like a fox loves a box who needs a box who loves foxi!
72 + Fugal = trouble and/or love
I need you like a terrorist needs a cell phone activated car bomb
Silver crescent moon, find your shine in her soft eyes, a wonderful sky
You can call me Papa
Happy Valentines' Day!
Clever jokes
If you were a stack of flapjacks, I'd be a lumberjack so I could build you a two-story house to weave your baskets in
Kiss me
I want you
<3 me+you
You make me weak in the knees!
If you had a hairy lip, I would totally tweeze it for you
I need you like a fish needs a symmetrical body and paired organs to survive
You be the cheese I'll be the it
You're worth every pickup line every time
Hey girl
72 loves you
Fugal rhymes with Bugle. I love Bugles!
I need you like Roger Clemens needs a solid case - 72 and Mike
I need you like my dad needs a high-resolution big-screen TV and DVR to record his favorite shows
I'll be ---'s ---- you've --- --- --- (need to reread)
You are the sugar on my cookie
I want to capture the planets in your eyes
We love you randomly
If your lips were Skittles I'd want to taste the rainbow
Be ours
I want to make ---------------- (reread)
Romantic innuendos
This is a black Valentine
Fill in the blank: will ___ be ___ for ___ time
Love Maeser 72
Once upon a time there was a little girl who loved a little boy who really loved a different girl. Too bad!
I need you like Bob Marley needs pot - 72 and Mike
You are the Crisco to my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe
If you were a multivitamin I would take you daily
I want to caress your eyelashes with the utmost ferocity and passion
My eyelashes flutter for you
I need you like the Krebs cycle needs acetyl CoA to transport carbon compounds
You are like an untamed stallion (with picture of snake and dragon)
Fugal me!
I think I need CPR- you just took my breath away
I love you 10^infinity
Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes
Are you lost? Heaven's a long way from here
ARGH! Surrender yer booty!
You're money!
You light my candle
I love you more than 1000 red baboons
You're the Quaker in my oats
I live for your texts!
I'll be jealous of every wallpost from other guys
FOXY
I will support you when you're old and wrinkly
I love you randomly!
Look at me eye to eye
Circle the most correct answer: Our love/hate relationship will always/never/sometimes last forever/never
Oh sweet nothings!
Your inner beauty consumes my soul
Gentle meadow spring sprints through the grassy darkness belting out for truth
To love and to be loved is to feel the sun from both sides
You make me feel like a natural ... man?
I love you
Let's have a textual relationship
I'll build you a cake
If you were cheese, I would totally cut you
If I was a spoon and you were a fork, we'd have a spork
We love you
1 volcano says to the other, "I lava-you!"
I will enjoy your Facebook profile
Your inner beauty consumes my soul
I need you like campus police need a life
Your pleasant personality is trumped only by your classy pants preferences
Meet me at the bell tower
If a magical wizard sent us on a magnificent quest, we would complete the quest by sundown, converse passionately by dinner, and glory in our love with all the kingdom before bed
Touch me (appropriately)
I have romantic feelings for you
If I had a magic carpet I'd fly straight to your heart and establish friendly relations with the locals
I can't hide my feelings anymore
Sink me
Tenderly embrace me ... hard
That's what he said
"Chris Brown" (enough said)
I'll give you a high-five every night we must part
You're the jello in my life
I've been and will forever be waiting for you
I would hug you so respectfully
Insert cheesy Valentines day note here
I watch you in the periodicals
I'm lovin' it! M
I'm writing this on a hymn book
Did you hear that? My heart skipped a beat
I could call you baaaaaaby
Don't hide your thoughts anymore
Oh sweet nothings
I need you like the creamery needs more selection
You turn me off ("off" crossed out)!
:)
You twist my heart like a pretzel
Are you a gardener? Because I'd like to plant my tulips near yours
Look at me eye to eye
I'm a melting igloo and you are the fire inside
I have your picture taped to my chest and I would never take it off (it would hurt)
I'm letting it all out
You are the color in my M&Ms
I need you like the cure for AIDS
The sky is jealousy because the stars are in your eyes
Some like it hot! I agree with Marylin
Fill in the blank: Our ___ is ___ and ___ will ___ die ___
Nobody touches other men but me. -- Christian
I need you like a trashman needs a dumpster
Be my Valentine
Sine may oop
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first
I cherish thee
Frolic through flowers (with picture of two stick people frolicking)
If you and I were Buddhist we would be reincarnated on the top and bottom lips of the most finest jaguar
These words all rhyme: mine, fine, time, rhyme
You --- what --- --- --- (need to go read that one again)
----------- (that one too)
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you I'd have 5 cents
I want to farm my love potatoes in your fertile garden (with picture of farmer plowing)
------- -------- 70% -------- ------- entire time (reread that too)
Nice clothes
I need you like ----- needs to come down - ------ and Mike
Kiss me gently
I'll be the honey, you be the bee
You are the honey on my buns
You are as fine as a freshly manufactured cherry door - #72 and Mike
pg. 356
I'd go a month without washing my underwear for you
I love you like a fox loves a box who needs a box who loves foxi!
72 + Fugal = trouble and/or love
I need you like a terrorist needs a cell phone activated car bomb
Silver crescent moon, find your shine in her soft eyes, a wonderful sky
You can call me Papa
Happy Valentines' Day!
Clever jokes
If you were a stack of flapjacks, I'd be a lumberjack so I could build you a two-story house to weave your baskets in
Kiss me
I want you
<3 me+you
You make me weak in the knees!
If you had a hairy lip, I would totally tweeze it for you
I need you like a fish needs a symmetrical body and paired organs to survive
You be the cheese I'll be the it
You're worth every pickup line every time
Hey girl
72 loves you
Fugal rhymes with Bugle. I love Bugles!
I need you like Roger Clemens needs a solid case - 72 and Mike
I need you like my dad needs a high-resolution big-screen TV and DVR to record his favorite shows
I'll be ---'s ---- you've --- --- --- (need to reread)
You are the sugar on my cookie
I want to capture the planets in your eyes
We love you randomly
If your lips were Skittles I'd want to taste the rainbow
Be ours
I want to make ---------------- (reread)
Romantic innuendos
This is a black Valentine
Fill in the blank: will ___ be ___ for ___ time
Love Maeser 72
Once upon a time there was a little girl who loved a little boy who really loved a different girl. Too bad!
I need you like Bob Marley needs pot - 72 and Mike
You are the Crisco to my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe
If you were a multivitamin I would take you daily
I want to caress your eyelashes with the utmost ferocity and passion
My eyelashes flutter for you
I need you like the Krebs cycle needs acetyl CoA to transport carbon compounds
You are like an untamed stallion (with picture of snake and dragon)
Fugal me!
I think I need CPR- you just took my breath away
I love you 10^infinity
Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes
Are you lost? Heaven's a long way from here
ARGH! Surrender yer booty!
You're money!
You light my candle
I love you more than 1000 red baboons
You're the Quaker in my oats
I live for your texts!
I'll be jealous of every wallpost from other guys
FOXY
I will support you when you're old and wrinkly
I love you randomly!
Look at me eye to eye
Circle the most correct answer: Our love/hate relationship will always/never/sometimes last forever/never
Oh sweet nothings!
Your inner beauty consumes my soul
You boys are so creative! Tell me if I missed anything.
Alan Reintjes · 2 mutual friendstwo corrections: my name is wrong, and sorry but the valentines were for the entire hall. sorry lol
Angela Decker That's totally fine! My roommates kinda thought the whole thing was mostly or somewhat prompted by their Valentine stuff, but that's good to know it was for everybody. I'll fix your name too.- Angela Decker BTW you guys are so creative and lots of these were really funny.
Angela Bryant lol I'm sorry.. I'm one of those last min girlfriends who forgot to get their boyfriend anything.. I'm gonna have to steal some of those lines for my boyfriends present if that's okay.. way cute though! I bet that was exciteing- Alan Reintjes · 2 mutual friendshaha thanks...im impressed you recorded all those valentines tho. There must have been a few hundred between fugal and gates
Jessica Young · 2 mutual friends"If you had a hairy lip, I would totally tweeze it for you"
So romantic.....
But the whole idea was way cute guys! It made me smile!!!
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Slow Dance
(Disclaimer: I have no idea where this came from and why it was on my computer.)
SLOW DANCE
Have you ever
watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to
the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a
butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading
night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so
fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
last.
Do you run through each day
On the
fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the
reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your
bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through
your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so
fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it
tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see
his
sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good
friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call
and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance
so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You
miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry
through your day,
It is like an unopened
gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a
race.
Do take it slower
Hear the
music
Before the song is over.
SLOW DANCE
Have you ever
watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to
the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a
butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading
night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so
fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
last.
Do you run through each day
On the
fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the
reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your
bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through
your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so
fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it
tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see
his
sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good
friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call
and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance
so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You
miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry
through your day,
It is like an unopened
gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a
race.
Do take it slower
Hear the
music
Before the song is over.
Sweet Santa cancer story
A Great Christmas Story To Warm Your Heart
I hope and pray as the CHRISTMAS season begins this year that you all will focus on charitable selfless acts and remember to give thanks to our Father above for all He has given to each of us.
Always believe in MIRACLES!! Three years ago, a little boy and his grandmother came to see Santa at Mayfair Mall in Wisconsin . The child climbed up on his lap, holding a picture of a little girl.
"Who is this?" asked Santa, smiling. "Your friend? Your sister?"
"Yes, Santa," he replied. "My sister, Sarah, who is very sick," he said sadly.
Santa glanced over at the grandmother who was waiting nearby, and saw her dabbing her eyes with a tissue.
"She wanted to come with me to see you, oh, so very much, Santa!"
the child exclaimed. "She misses you," he added softly.
Santa tried to be cheerful and encouraged a smile to the boy's face, asking him what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas.
When they finished their visit, the Grandmother came over to help the child off his lap, and started to say something to Santa, but halted.
"What is it?" Santa asked warmly.
"Well, I know it's really too much to ask you, Santa, but ." the old woman began, shooing her grandson over to one of Santa's elves to collect the little gift which Santa gave all his young visitors. "The girl in the photograph.. . my granddaughter well, you see ... she has leukemia and isn't expected to make it even through the holidays," she said through tear-filled eyes. "Is there any way, Santa . any possible way that you could come see Sarah? That's all she's asked for, for Christmas, is to see Santa."
Santa blinked and swallowed hard and told the woman to leave information with his elves as to where Sarah was, and he would see what he could do Santa thought of little else the rest of that afternoon. He knew what he had to do. "What if it were MY child lying in that hospital bed, dying," he thought with a sinking heart, "this is the least I can do."
When Santa finished visiting with all the boys and girls that evening, he retrieved from his helper the name of the hospital where Sarah was staying. He asked the assistant location manager how to get to Children's Hospital.
"Why?" Rick asked, with a puzzled look on his face.
Santa relayed to him the conversation with Sarah's grandmother earlier that day. "C'mon.... I'll take you there," Rick said softly.
Rick drove them to the hospital and came inside with Santa. They found out which room Sarah was in. A pale Rick said he would wait out in the hall.
Santa quietly peeked into the room through the half-closed door and saw little Sarah on the bed. The room was full of what appeared to be her family; there was the Grandmother and the girl's brother he had met earlier that day. A woman whom he guessed was Sarah's mother stood by the bed, gently pushing Sarah's thin hair off her forehead. And another woman who he discovered later was Sarah's aunt, sat in a chair near the bed with weary, sad look on her face. They were talking quietly, and Santa could sense the warmth and closeness of the family, and their love and concern for Sarah. Taking a deep breat h, and forcing a smile on his face, Santa entered the room, bellowing a hearty, "Ho, ho, ho!"
"Santa!" shrieked little Sarah weakly, as she tried to escape her bed to run to him, IVtubes in tact. Santa rushed to her side and gave her a warm hug. A child the tender age of his own son -- 9 years old -- gazed up at him with wonder and excitement. Her skin was pale and her short tresses bore telltale bald patches from the effects of chemotherapy. But all he saw when he looked at her was a pair of huge, blue eyes. His heart melted, and he had to force himself to choke back tears. Though his eyes were riveted upon Sarah's face, he could hear the gasps and quiet sobbing of the women in the room
As he and Sarah began talking, the family crept quietly to the bedside one by one, squeezing Santa's shoulder or his hand gratefully, whispering "thank you" as they gazed sincerely at him with shining eyes. Santa and Sarah talked and talked, and she told him excitedly all the toys she wanted for Christmas, assuring him she'd been a very good girl that year As their time together dwindled, Santa felt led in his spirit to pray for Sarah, and asked for permission from the girl's mother. She nodded in agreement and the entire family circled around Sarah's bed, holding hands. Santa looked intensely at Sarah and as ked her if she believed in angels.
"Oh, yes, Santa... I do!" she exclaimed.
"Well, I'm going to ask that angels watch over you, "he said.
Laying one hand on the child's head, Santa closed his eyes and prayed. He asked that God touch little Sarah, and heal her body from this disease. He asked that angels minister to her, watch and keep her. And when he finished praying, still with eyes closed, he started singing softly, "Silent Night, Holy Night.... a ll is calm, all is bright." The family joined in , s till holding hands, smiling at Sarah, and crying tears of hope, tears of joy for this moment, as Sarah beamed at them all& ; ; ;nbs p; When the song ended, Santa sat on the side of the bed again and held Sarah's frail, small hands in his own.
"Now, Sarah, "he said authoritatively, "you have a job to do, and that is to concentrate on getting well. I want you to have fun playing with your friends this summer, and I expect to see you at my house at Mayfair Mall this time next year!" He knew it was risky proclaiming that, to this little girl who had terminal cancer, but he "had" to. He had to give her the greatest gift he could -- not dolls or games or toys -- but the gift of HOPE.
"Yes, Santa! "Sarah exclaimed, her eyes bright.
He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead and left the room.
Out in the hall, the minute Santa's eyes met Rick's, a look passed between them and they wept unashamed. Sarah's mother and grandmother slipped out of the room quicklyand rushed to Santa's side to thank him.
"My only child is the same age as Sarah," he explained quietly.
"This is the least I could do." They nodded with understanding and hugged him.
One year later, Santa Mark was again back on the set in Milwaukee for his six-week, seasonal job which he so loves to do. Several weeks went by and then one day a child came up to sit on his lap.
"Hi, Santa! Remember me?!"
"Of course, I do," Santa proclaimed (as he always does), smiling down at her.
After all, the secret to being a "good" Santa is to always make each child feel as if they are the "only" child in the world at that moment.
"You came to see me in the hospital last year!" Santa's jaw dropped.
Tears immediately sprang in his eyes, and he grabbed this little miracle and held her to his chest. "Sarah!" he exclaimed. He scarcely recognized her,for her hair was long and silky and her cheeks were rosy -- much different from the little girl he had visited just a year before. He looked over and saw Sarah's mother and grandmother in the sidelines smiling and waving and wiping their eyes.
That was the best Christmas ever for Santa Claus. He had witnessed
--and been blessed to be instrumental in bringing about -- this miracle of hope.
This precious little child was healed. Cancer-free. Alive and well. He silently looked up to Heaven and humbly whispered, "Thank you, Father. 'Tis a very, Merry Christmas!
I hope and pray as the CHRISTMAS season begins this year that you all will focus on charitable selfless acts and remember to give thanks to our Father above for all He has given to each of us.
Always believe in MIRACLES!! Three years ago, a little boy and his grandmother came to see Santa at Mayfair Mall in Wisconsin . The child climbed up on his lap, holding a picture of a little girl.
"Who is this?" asked Santa, smiling. "Your friend? Your sister?"
"Yes, Santa," he replied. "My sister, Sarah, who is very sick," he said sadly.
Santa glanced over at the grandmother who was waiting nearby, and saw her dabbing her eyes with a tissue.
"She wanted to come with me to see you, oh, so very much, Santa!"
the child exclaimed. "She misses you," he added softly.
Santa tried to be cheerful and encouraged a smile to the boy's face, asking him what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas.
When they finished their visit, the Grandmother came over to help the child off his lap, and started to say something to Santa, but halted.
"What is it?" Santa asked warmly.
"Well, I know it's really too much to ask you, Santa, but ." the old woman began, shooing her grandson over to one of Santa's elves to collect the little gift which Santa gave all his young visitors. "The girl in the photograph.. . my granddaughter well, you see ... she has leukemia and isn't expected to make it even through the holidays," she said through tear-filled eyes. "Is there any way, Santa . any possible way that you could come see Sarah? That's all she's asked for, for Christmas, is to see Santa."
Santa blinked and swallowed hard and told the woman to leave information with his elves as to where Sarah was, and he would see what he could do Santa thought of little else the rest of that afternoon. He knew what he had to do. "What if it were MY child lying in that hospital bed, dying," he thought with a sinking heart, "this is the least I can do."
When Santa finished visiting with all the boys and girls that evening, he retrieved from his helper the name of the hospital where Sarah was staying. He asked the assistant location manager how to get to Children's Hospital.
"Why?" Rick asked, with a puzzled look on his face.
Santa relayed to him the conversation with Sarah's grandmother earlier that day. "C'mon.... I'll take you there," Rick said softly.
Rick drove them to the hospital and came inside with Santa. They found out which room Sarah was in. A pale Rick said he would wait out in the hall.
Santa quietly peeked into the room through the half-closed door and saw little Sarah on the bed. The room was full of what appeared to be her family; there was the Grandmother and the girl's brother he had met earlier that day. A woman whom he guessed was Sarah's mother stood by the bed, gently pushing Sarah's thin hair off her forehead. And another woman who he discovered later was Sarah's aunt, sat in a chair near the bed with weary, sad look on her face. They were talking quietly, and Santa could sense the warmth and closeness of the family, and their love and concern for Sarah. Taking a deep breat h, and forcing a smile on his face, Santa entered the room, bellowing a hearty, "Ho, ho, ho!"
"Santa!" shrieked little Sarah weakly, as she tried to escape her bed to run to him, IVtubes in tact. Santa rushed to her side and gave her a warm hug. A child the tender age of his own son -- 9 years old -- gazed up at him with wonder and excitement. Her skin was pale and her short tresses bore telltale bald patches from the effects of chemotherapy. But all he saw when he looked at her was a pair of huge, blue eyes. His heart melted, and he had to force himself to choke back tears. Though his eyes were riveted upon Sarah's face, he could hear the gasps and quiet sobbing of the women in the room
As he and Sarah began talking, the family crept quietly to the bedside one by one, squeezing Santa's shoulder or his hand gratefully, whispering "thank you" as they gazed sincerely at him with shining eyes. Santa and Sarah talked and talked, and she told him excitedly all the toys she wanted for Christmas, assuring him she'd been a very good girl that year As their time together dwindled, Santa felt led in his spirit to pray for Sarah, and asked for permission from the girl's mother. She nodded in agreement and the entire family circled around Sarah's bed, holding hands. Santa looked intensely at Sarah and as ked her if she believed in angels.
"Oh, yes, Santa... I do!" she exclaimed.
"Well, I'm going to ask that angels watch over you, "he said.
Laying one hand on the child's head, Santa closed his eyes and prayed. He asked that God touch little Sarah, and heal her body from this disease. He asked that angels minister to her, watch and keep her. And when he finished praying, still with eyes closed, he started singing softly, "Silent Night, Holy Night.... a ll is calm, all is bright." The family joined in , s till holding hands, smiling at Sarah, and crying tears of hope, tears of joy for this moment, as Sarah beamed at them all& ; ; ;nbs p; When the song ended, Santa sat on the side of the bed again and held Sarah's frail, small hands in his own.
"Now, Sarah, "he said authoritatively, "you have a job to do, and that is to concentrate on getting well. I want you to have fun playing with your friends this summer, and I expect to see you at my house at Mayfair Mall this time next year!" He knew it was risky proclaiming that, to this little girl who had terminal cancer, but he "had" to. He had to give her the greatest gift he could -- not dolls or games or toys -- but the gift of HOPE.
"Yes, Santa! "Sarah exclaimed, her eyes bright.
He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead and left the room.
Out in the hall, the minute Santa's eyes met Rick's, a look passed between them and they wept unashamed. Sarah's mother and grandmother slipped out of the room quicklyand rushed to Santa's side to thank him.
"My only child is the same age as Sarah," he explained quietly.
"This is the least I could do." They nodded with understanding and hugged him.
One year later, Santa Mark was again back on the set in Milwaukee for his six-week, seasonal job which he so loves to do. Several weeks went by and then one day a child came up to sit on his lap.
"Hi, Santa! Remember me?!"
"Of course, I do," Santa proclaimed (as he always does), smiling down at her.
After all, the secret to being a "good" Santa is to always make each child feel as if they are the "only" child in the world at that moment.
"You came to see me in the hospital last year!" Santa's jaw dropped.
Tears immediately sprang in his eyes, and he grabbed this little miracle and held her to his chest. "Sarah!" he exclaimed. He scarcely recognized her,for her hair was long and silky and her cheeks were rosy -- much different from the little girl he had visited just a year before. He looked over and saw Sarah's mother and grandmother in the sidelines smiling and waving and wiping their eyes.
That was the best Christmas ever for Santa Claus. He had witnessed
--and been blessed to be instrumental in bringing about -- this miracle of hope.
This precious little child was healed. Cancer-free. Alive and well. He silently looked up to Heaven and humbly whispered, "Thank you, Father. 'Tis a very, Merry Christmas!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Bike accident
Previously published as a Facebook note.
So here's the story: It was 9:25 and class started in 5 minutes and I was in a hurry to get to class, so I got my bike. I didn't have pants with pockets, so I put my bike lock on the cables in front of the handlebars instead, and forgot to hold it in my hand once I started going- I rode down the hill about 100 ft away from my apt like 11 mph and when I rode over the gutter at the bottom (hill is about 100 ft) the lock flew off, got caught on the cable I lock my bike up with, and got stuck in the front tire. So the front tire stopped moving and the rest of me and the bike kept going. I landed with the bike on top of me and it hurt too bad to move it- luckily a guy and girl were there to help me bc I was too lightheaded to make it home. I kinda just laid there on the road and they got my bike off me and took my backpack. Easton even came to check on me 2 hours later- so nice of him. I'm going to make him something later as a thank you. Same with Abby- she came over around 4 with treats. If you guys somehow find me on Facebook- THANK YOU!!!
I hit my head and scraped above my L eyebrow and I have a 3" scrape above my L knee and a 1" sq one above/on my R knee, and I scraped up the palm of my R hand- 2 cut/scrapes, and there's 4 bike tire marks on the top of my L hand . There's also a little bruise on my shoulder but I can't feel it- just see it. Well, it's sore, not bruise-feeling. The cut on my head is a little swollen. I was so lightheaded going home- it would normally take a minute to walk back up the hill, park my bike, and walk up the 3 flights of stairs to my apt, but it took 20 minutes. I had to stop like 4 or 5 times bc I was going to pass out. When I was lightheaded my L peripheral vision was gone- that scared me. But Easton checked my eyes and I didn't have a concussion.
Once I got home I just laid on the couch for a while until I wasn't lightheaded anymore and then I went into my room and changed so that I could tend to my wounds better- I put a skirt on.
Needless to say I didn't go to MFHD- the class I was late for.
I'm much better now after a nap at about 12:30ish for an hour and a half and two Ibuprofens.
What made me mad tho is I had so much to do today- I had two tests, and now one of them is late. Hopefully I can get an extension because I was out of commission for half the day.
bandaged road-rash hand and head wound
head and shoulder wounds
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